In a Northridge Elementary School resource room, Mark Jefka looked at the final position of the plastic chess pieces. Smiled. And offered our usual closing invocation.
“Well,” he said to me, “you win some, you lose some and some you get rained out of. But you gotta dress for every game.”
You do lose some. And now we’ve lost one of the best.
When I learned that Mr. Jefka died on Jan. 30, it hit like a shot to the childhood. So much of my mind bears his touch on it, the fingerprints of a caring, patient man.
Patient men don’t often leave glamorous obituaries behind. No matter. The love they leave behind surpasses any marquee, planting the seeds of changed lives and a better world.
Especially when they meet those lives young.
My classmates at Northridge sometimes asked what I did when I left class to spend time with Mr. Jefka. “Play games,” I told them and indeed we did. But it went deeper than that.
You see, Mr. Jefka was trained in special ed, working with students who needed some extra attention. And in grade school, that definitely included me. My childhood epilepsy had come with some other neurological issues that required me to work on very basic skills, such as spatial awareness, balance and coordination.
I received help with this outside of school, of course (and one helper who did so much remains a very dear friend today). But inside the Northridge resource room, it was me and Mr. Jefka. And often a game as well. Each one with a different lesson hidden inside it.
When we dealt the cards for Concentration, the prize was greater memory and attention.
When we set up the board for chess or checkers, we were building an ability to focus, study a situation and anticipate consequences.
A slightly noisier game called Bombs Away – one that involved looking through a sight to try to drop plastic skydivers into targets on a moving board – sharpened reflexes and worked on my sense of timing.
Yes, there were tests and other standard measures to see what kind of progress I was making. There always are. But it’s the games I remember best.
No, that’s not quite right. It’s the man behind the games I remember. Always calm. Always pleased with me, win or lose. And ever ready to show me how to take either result with a smile. (And sometimes a gentle chorus of “The party’s over …”)
If I’m ever half as patient with others as Mark Jefka was with me, then I’ll know I’ve done well. Even now, I wonder who I may have touched in return and how Mr. Jefka’s gift is being carried on.
We don’t often get to know. We’re shaped by so many people and we shape so many, but we don’t always get to see the later chapters of the story. We just have to keep reaching out in love and kindness, trusting that something we’ve planted is flowering somewhere, that the light from our candle may be kindling others.
Sometimes we learn, if we’re lucky. But whether we hear the stories or not, we have to keep writing them.
Because it’s not about fame or renown. It’s about that moment when a life is touched for the better. So many lives, so many places.
Thank you, Mr. Jefka. Thank you more than I can say.
You may have left these games behind. But I’ll always be grateful to carry your Mark.